Who am I?

I have been watching my life lately. Watching myself move through the day…

I am getting out of bed and getting ready for work…

I am driving…

I am at work….

I am driving back…

I am watching shows…

I am sitting in the hot springs…

I am sleeping.

Then, the next day, I repeat the process.

I see myself going through all of these daily transitions. And I wonder… is that me doing all of this stuff? Or am I the one watching myself do it all? Which is me? The doer or the watcher?

Who am I?

I believe I am the watcher. The witness.

I am the consciousness of love that witnesses each and every moment of my life with total compassion. I am the energy of love that flows with abandon through each activity, each breath, each thought, and each step.

I love to witness my life with love. It means that I am not my experiences, not the pains and the difficulties – that there is a me that transcends it all. Tapping into this transcendent consciousness allows me to live more fully in the moment, to feel everything, to love myself, and make a definite moment-to-moment decision to be a presence of love in this world.



Photo credit: Julia Ceasar via Unsplash

Open the cellular doors to the flood of love

With each breath in, I consciously intend that the curtain of my cells and atoms open wider and wider. This is my sacred task, to open.

With each breath out, I hold open my precious heart and ask, allow, intend, and feel that the primordial love that permeates all time and space — rush, flood, and pour through my body.

Loving myself first, my aches, pains, regrets, hurts, mistakes.

Then letting go, allowing the energy of love to flow to you, humanity, the earth, and all life. Asking to be the empty bed of the river.

I keep breathing, keep stretching my heart wider, keep giving myself the love I needed but never received – for it is my job to love myself unconditionally – not the job of my kids, parents, lovers, or the world – it is mine.

Then, yes, it is my job to let go of the love, to keep it from becoming a narcissistic loop, and let it flow free to benefit all life.

Only love is real in the end.

The pain, conflicts, angry words, corrosive shame, racing fear, free floating anxiety, trauma, mistakes, divisions, long periods of not talking, hiding from each other, the loneliness, the anger, the rage, the depression – all of it dissolves away in the end.

All of it gone.

Dissolved in love.

But I don’t have to wait for the end.

All that isn’t love can melt away on the currents of my love-charged breath through this human form.

Until this human form vibrates at such a level…

that only light remains.

But for now, let me breathe open my heart wider, my cells wider, my atoms wider and wider, and allow this sweet universal nectar to flood me.



Photo credit: Bart LaRue via Unsplash

I did the 24 hours….


So last Thursday night, I arrived at my special hot springs spa and hotel to do my 24 hour meditation. Here is how it went:

When I got there at 5:30 pm., I only had 30 minutes to race into my room and get my self decompressed from the long drive. I got my stuff together and began repeating the command promptly at 6 pm. I chanted several rounds of 108 repetitions, and then went and sat in the hot springs.

The pool was filled with talking people. I vowed to stay to myself and avoid conversation. I repeated the command, as loudly as I could internally, even though everyone was pretty talkative. I found this to be difficult. The practice is to speak the affirmation, command, or prayer of your choice in a group of people, silently, but loud on an internal level. This feeds the collective unconscious mind of the group with positive energy and thoughts. It was really hard for me because the conversation distracted me.

I got out and removed myself from the crowd. I sat at least 15 feet away, and repeated another round of 108, but in a whisper. Nobody knew what I was doing. I was the guy who wouldn’t talk.

Then I went back to my room. My plan was to stay up as long as possible. I repeated, and repeated, and repeated the command from my chest. I tried to go outside, but it was too cold and I cam back in.

I think I made it to around 1:30 am, and got really tired. I put my headphones in, played a file of the command being repeated over and over again, and fell asleep. I kept the command repeating in my ear the whole time. I think I maybe slept 5 hours.

In the morning, I got up, and went out to the land and buried a copy of the command that I hand-wrote on a piece of 2 x 4. I then repeated the command another 3-400 times.

Pretty much the whole time, I felt depressed, lonely, and sad. But I was determined to energetically plant the command inside my body, inside my cells, underneath my dismay, in the pockets and corners of my muscles, tissues, and energetic layers. I imagined that I was digging holes in my body and planting copies of the affirmation there.

I also envisioned Great Souls with me.

Around 1 or 2 pm, I started to crash.

I sat too long in the hot springs, and almost passed out when I got out of the water. When I got back to my room, my foot seized up in a cramp from dehydration. I then took a 30 minute nap. After that, I kept repeating the affirmation, but the sadness was pretty heavy. At around 4 pm, I decided to get back in the car and drive to eat Thai food. On the way there, and on the way back, I repeated the command.

So from 5-6, I was really wiped out. I finished the 24 hours, and then fell into zombie mode for the rest of the night. I was finished with the hot water. My body couldn’t handle it any more.

On the drive home, I repeated the command several thousand more times, and really felt much better, but still tired.

Flash forward to this morning: I was in court surrounded by chatting attorneys and rustling papers and bailiffs barking out orders to the crowd. I felt like a fish out of water. Totally, like a different person, like my body is being molded into something else, like a cartoon character getting redesigned by the artist. It was hard to feel grounded, yet I found myself laughing for no reason.

So that is my 24 hours. Looking back, I am not sure about repeating it for that long again. I am still recovering. I don’t like being deprived of sleep. Perhaps in a larger group of people, it would be different. I have thought of doing a 24 hour lock in type of retreat, but it may be too much for people. I am not sure. With time my zeal will probably return.

An 8 hour, or a 12 hour repetition would be cool too.




Photo credit: James and Carol Lee via Unsplash

24 hours begins

In 10 minutes I will begin a 24 hour meditation where I repeat the 1st command of the Love Awakening Energetic Mastermind continuously… at least doing my best to do so.

Repeating it aloud, in a whisper, on my breath, silently from the heart, anchoring it into the earth, broadcasting it to all of life:

The highest love that I am is now wholly awake and manifest within and as every cell and atom of my body and mind.

Debrief post will follow the 24 hrs.




Today, I drove down the beautiful mountain. Then I got on the 10, and then I got on the 60. I hit massive traffic and finally made it to there 91. From there, it cleared up for about 30 minutes, and then I was in bumper to bumper five miles per hour traffic jam for 45 minutes, then it cleared up, and then I finally made it to my destination. 2 hours and 45 minutes altogether.

I sat in court for 30 minutes. (I am a lawyer as well as a writer)

Then I got back in my car and made my trek back.

Normally, I stress about traffic.

It drives me totally out of my mind insane. But today, my stress level was next to nothing, all because I was repeating an affirmation and command of the heart, over and over, thousands of times. It really kept my mind focused and busy, so I didn’t have time to stress about the slow drivers and the semi’s and all the rest.

I am super grateful for this.

All that time in the car I dedicate to improving my mind.

Then it doesn’t matter if people cut me off, drive to slow, too fast, or do anything else that stresses me out.

When I am focused on my affirmations, I just flow with the traffic.

Pretty cool.



Photo – Denys Nevozhai via Unsplash