It is really hard, this parenting thing. I feel like I was never cut out for it from the beginning. I had all these grand intentions, and then life came along with it’s wrecking ball to destroy the image I had of what a family would look like.
When I was married, we first tried the biological route, but I found out that my swimmers didn’t swim so good.
So we took off on a ten year adoption journey. Three kids. Three different countries. Two of the boys has severe emotional issues. One of the boys had to be surrendered to the state for his dangerous behaviors.
I feel like the whole experience has been a disaster in so many ways, and a blessing in so many other ways. So much good. And a lot of drama and pain.
I have enough heartache and regrets to last me several more lifetimes.
And now, here I am, sitting by the pool, feeling like total shit on a spoon as a parent. Where did it go all wrong? What could I have done better?
I don’t know.
Self-forgiveness is really hard for me.