The awakening of the energy and consciousness of pure love within us requires that we feel everything that needs to be felt. In the reflection of this truth, this has been a really hard week for me emotionally.
I listened to the Tony Robbins podcast, where Lewis Howes, the author of The Mask of Masculinity, was being interviewed. He shared some deeply personal and painful experiences of being sexually abused as a young boy. As well, he shared about many of the masks that men wear, how these masks hurt us, and how to live more openly and authentically as our real selves.
This really cracked me open on so many levels.
I lived and survived through sexual abuse as a child as well. His talk also brought up emotions surrounding my uncle Joe’s suicide when I was 12 years old. My uncle Joe wore the Stoic mask, and to me at the time, seemed larger than life. He was tall, dark, handsome, and the guy everyone in the family went to for counsel and advice.
He was driving the motorcycle when he accidentally went into a spin that resulted in an accident that took my brother’s life. My brother was 16, and his death devastated the family. My uncle felt responsible, and must have carried enormous amounts of guilt. Looking into his eyes at the funeral was like staring into the soul of agony itself.
The accident happened in August, and in December of that same year, my uncle went missing. After a three week search, his body was found, charred and burned. He had killed himself with a 45 caliber pistol and gasoline.
I was 12, and when the news of his death came, and the manner in which it happened — a switch flipped and I became a dream character living through a dream life. Nothing was real. I buried the pain. It was just too much.
Later in life, as I got sober from drugs and alcohol, I felt the pain and grief of my brother’s passing, but rarely felt the pain of my uncle’s suicide.
So this week, my heart has been cracked open. As I practice repeating and feeling the 8 Commands of Awakened Love, more specifically Command #1, I am confronted with the truth that this work is not a bypass.
In being love, we don’t get to skip over the painful stuff. As a result of this upheaval, I have been angry, sad, lonely, and depressed this week. I have kept up the practice of repeating the commands and doing my love-transmissions every day, but it has been really hard. I feel tired.
~I have felt the wanting to die within me.
~I have wondered how alone my uncle must have felt in the three weeks he was missing.
~I wonder who the last person was that he talked to, the last human interaction he had before he plunged through the door of suicide.
~I have imagined myself in that field where he died, and I do my best to infuse that scene with energies of love and forgiveness.
~I reflect that he often told me that I didn’t need to smoke pot, that I could live without it, and I reflect on how much I love him for that. (He planted the seeds of sobriety in me)
~I remember how beautiful he was, and how much I loved him, and love him still.
This brings up a lot of pain — and now I am feeling strong enough to feel it. I buried his suicide almost 38 years ago (Christmas of 1979). When we bury emotions — it is often hard to find where we buried them.
And when we plant these powerful commands of the heart inside our bodies — the love within us knows where these memories and emotions are buried, and wraps them in gentle compassion, while also demanding that they be felt and faced.
Last night I did a breathwork class facilitated the amazing and talented Woman Mystic and Shaman, Trine Bietz, and during that class, was blessed with the plant medicine of pure tobacco. This plant medicine is rooted in the Divine Masculine, and helps me stay grounded in this grief, and not try to bypass it.
Mainly, I send the energy of love to the young twelve year old kid, red-eyed and stoned, completely flattened by the tragedy of death and suicide, living from bowl-of-weed to bowl-of-weed, clinging to life by the thread.
I love him, and let him know that it’s safe to feel again.
copyright 2017 Danny Peebles
You are invited to join me in this Energetic Mastermind where we anchor the 8 Commands of Awakened Love into our hearts, bodies and minds. Keep in mind, it is not for the faint of heart, it is for the spiritual warriors on this planet, who may be feeling tired, broken, scared, and lonely. This mastermind is here to let you know that you are NOT alone.
Here is the 1st one:
The highest love that I am is now wholly awake and manifest within and as every cell and atom of my body and mind.
Take several deep breaths and repeat that command 12 times in a row, with deep feeling, passion, and truth. Feel the energy of pure love that is being transmitted through it’s words. Allow it entry into your cells and atoms. Keep coming back every day to repeat this process, and feel the connection with myself and anyone and everyone who is repeating it in any moment in time.